I got married last Saturday and had a beautiful wedding. Up until we were 30 days out, I was coasting. Then it got stressful. I can’t even say the closer we got to the date, because it was actually the closer we got to the aisle, the more my shoulders tensed. Through the whirlwind of planning—and especially once it was all over—life reminders came parading across my heart. I wanted to share a few, because they apply far beyond wedding planning:
Don’t limit yourself to what you think is possible.
My wedding coordinator, Shelby Cotton, told me that from the very beginning. But it was hard to follow. I’m pretty good with money, so I was thinking of that house-shopping advice: don’t even tour houses you can’t afford. Shelby pushed me anyway. “Try on all the dresses,” she said, “even the ones out of budget.”
So I did. Fell in love with one that was way past my price point. Shelby found it used online—the exact same dress, in my exact size. Didn’t even need alterations. That was my first reminder: Sometimes life opens doors you knew nothing about.
Generosity boomerangs.
I’m talking about the kind of generosity that doesn’t help folk with the expectation of getting something from it. You just do it because you have the capacity to. I’ve witnessed and experienced this throughout my entire life, but it more concentrated around my wedding.
When I took the dress in for alterations, the seamstress said I didn’t need any. She did replace the clasps with sturdier hooks and didn’t charge me a dime. His aunt made all our cupcakes, free of charge. My chef threw in all kinds of lagniappe (New Orleans word for bonus/extra). Josh, a photographer I worked with on a few projects, told me he’d gotten married in the fall too. I asked if they had leftover decor. We bartered, and I ended up with about $500 worth of items, and, honestly, the inspiration for most of our setup.
It was one small blessing after another.
Negotiate. Always.
With everybody you paying. Sometimes it works, sometimes it don’t, but you won’t know unless you try.
The Closer You Get, the Louder the Doubt
About 30 days out, I saw it all so clearly and was so excited about my vision. But the closer the wedding got, the more ridiculous it seemed. The fake flowers, fake candles, the carpet in the wedding venue, the programs I made on Canva, the idea to merge Louisiana Creole and Gullah Geechee culture…Suddenly, all I could see were the flaws. Started imagining people judging me, knowing damn well we didn’t invite those kinda people.
That kinda thinking has stopped me before. Right at the finish line. But this time, I pushed through.
It Ain’t Meant for Me to Know Everything
On the day of, I helped with setup because I know how I like things and I get things done. But after an hour, my crew insisted I leave, relax, and let myself be surprised. I listened, reluctantly, and I’m so glad I did.
Later, I got a text saying we were running 15 minutes behind. I wanted to know why. They told me a little, not everything. When I learned the full story afterward, I was so grateful they didn’t tell me in the moment.
Some information is just better delivered after the happy ending.
It’s Gon Be Okay (Even When It Don’t Feel Like It)
Finding a venue was the most stressful part. I finally locked one down with great price and great location, then they abruptly closed. Every other venue seemed booked solid for our date. Eventually, I found another spot with an even better location. It was a bit smaller, but we ended up saving more than half the cost.
The day before the wedding, my nail tech canceled. The day of, my hairstylist was an hour late. My shoulders were tense, you hear me? But you know what? It all worked out.
Niggas Don’t Listen
We reminded guests twice to arrive 15 early because the ceremony doors would close once we started. People were still running in at one minute ’til and a few had to wait outside. We also asked for no phones or cameras during the ceremony. Looked out and saw three phones staring right back at me.
Remember Your Why
The wedding was just a way to dress up and celebrate what we’d already decided, which was to marry each other. One day, while overthinking whether to spend another $500 renting an altar arch, I asked my now-husband what he thought. He said, “Either way, I’m marrying you.” I let that mantra carry us and I’m remixing it for future creations. “Either way, I’m writing this book. Either way, summer camp is happening. Either way…”
What you doing either way?