How to pray when you’re spiritual vs religious

I’ll venture out to say that at least a third of my generation have exchanged religion for spirituality. If you’re reading this post, then most likely you’re one of them as well. Am I right or nah?

Well, in this post, that’s who I’m specifically talking to. Those who weren’t okay with the contradictions and limitations of the steel walls of religion, but still believed in God. Those who dared to disregard the threat of a burning hot hell to express themselves in a manner that, to them, felt freeing, meaningful and uniquely divine.

Even more specifically, I’m talking to those who not only stopped going to church and reading the bible, but who also stopped praying. And as a result of that, maybe have been left with this void or lack of growth in your spiritual life. It’s like you’re doing stuff, but a personal connection isn’t being made.

I can relate. I built the altar, meditated twice a day, bought the crystals and the oils, lit the incense, followed the moon phases, and did all of the other things that I thought spiritual people were supposed to do, yet none of this gave me the feeling that Spirit was moving through me. I missed that.

Then I realized that I wasn’t treating my connection with God as a relationship.

A relationship requires communication (if that ain’t been beat into our brains, then I don’t know what has). Effective communication requires that you speak and listen, and from my perspective, we have adequate resources on how to listen (aka meditate), but not much on how to speak (aka pray).

Before jumping back into it, it’s important to do a little self-inquiry. Imagine this the part where we grab each other’s hands and our legs become mermaid tails. Our dive will require some writing and some visualization. Ready?  Let’s swim back to your transition from religion to enlightenment. Our first stop is to the god you were taught to pray to while growing up. In some way, you weren’t adequately (or maybe even righteously) served. Write about it.

Our second stop is completely empty. Here, you’ll define God for yourself. It may have been taught to you one way, and you may have since read about God to be another way. But it’s time to blend elements or start from scratch. You can be a painter, an architect, writer, witch, or whatever else fuels your creative mojo in this space. Consider who (or what) God is and how God communicates and blesses (if so).

The third and final stop is in the midst of your utmost desire. What do you want most right now? What dominates your thoughts these days? Allow the feeling of it to move through you, then pray about it. At its basic definition, praying is when you go to your higher power to either ask for something you want or need, or just to say thank you. Knowing what you certainly (versus conceptually) know about God, pray according to your desire. Be you. Be passionate.

Find the mode of speaking that feels most natural to you—be it verbal, writing, singing, etc. If a curse word or two slips out, don’t even much trip. (i.e. God, I want this book to sell well so fucking bad…) That just means you’re going to God as who you are versus who you think God expects you to be. Honest, authentic and passionate should always describe your spiritual communion. And by adding prayer back into the mix, or beginning to pray in your own voice, you’ll fill that void with healing, freedom and magic. 

Prayer is a fundamental part of who we are. As a Black woman having been born and raised in the South, that is certainly my truth. I want an active spiritual life, one that cultivates and connects. In order to have that, then both prayer and meditation, speaking and listening to God, is critical.

Can I get an amen, ase, namaste, maktub, or word? 

To further simplify and personalize your relationship with God, peep this Simple Spirituality e-course.