Listening: The Art That I Have Yet to Master

This year, I tried something different. I brought the new year in meditating. I started around 11:30 and was doing well. Then…midnight struck, fireworks sounded off and my cellphone started buzzing. I reached for it, anxious to know what the world was up to.

However, God wasn’t finished with me yet.   

So, I turned the phone off. Laid it down, closed my eyes, and resumed my posture. It took a handful of minutes to get back in the zone, but I eventually did. 

Side note: In the world of meditation, I would consider myself an intermediate. Of what I’ve learned thus far, I can tell you that sometimes you’ll get something; other times you won’t. Stick with it. It’s a refreshing recharge nonetheless.

Well, last night (or rather this morning), I definitely got something. It was revealed to me–clear as the Caribbean– that I could really benefit from being a better listener. After all…

Hearing and listening are two different acts.

I hear Darrien going over his most recent idea or giving me a recap of the latest House of Cards episode. I hear CJ exclaiming how cool his new PlayStation game is and how, since we’ve moved, he bet that his friends will still be ringing our old doorbell.

But am I listening?

Kobe and I often play a game where she’s the mommy and I’m the child. Well this morning, (as the child) I told her that I was hungry. Her response was, “I’ll fix you something to eat in a minute, okay? Mommy’s working.”

I not only heard her that time, but I listened to her. There is a science and art of listening. One that I have yet to master. And as technology increases, the ability to listen becomes near impossible. So as not to become a robot, it’s critical to practice this skill.

I need not only learn to listen to others, but also learn to better listen to me. My needs. My desires. My experiences. My truths. My intuition.

One thing that I absolutely love about revelations are the beautiful little sources of confirmation here and there. For instance, while reading one of my bibles entitled Women Who Run With the Wolves, I stumbled across a passage that read:

I’ve heard women say it, if not a hundred times, then a thousand times: “I knew i should have listened to my intuition. I sensed I should/should not have done such and such, but I didn’t listen. We feed the deep intuitive self by listening to it and acting upon its advice.

I listened to this. I reread it, highlighted it, rewrote it in my journal, and now I’m sharing it with you. At this point, I overstand what Dr. Clarissa Estés is saying.

So as to really drive my lesson home, I did some research and compiled a list of five of the most common tips for active listening. They consist of:

1. Put everything else away, including the phone, laptop, tablet, book, etc. If possible, give the talker your undivided attention.
2. Make eye contact, check your body language, and check theirs too. “Words only convey a fraction of the message.”
3. Ask open ended questions, but only if you’re asking for the sake of clarity. This helps, especially for people like me whose thoughts run a mile a minute.
4. Don’t interrupt. Period. Not even if you have a groundbreaking, earth shattering answer.
5. Keep an open mind. Really try to feel what they’re saying without forming an opinion. This is super difficult especially when you disagree, but it’s a must!

Now, am I saying that I’ll stop, drop, and roll whenever someone taps my shoulder? No. I still have to work and you best believe that I’m still getting my uninterrupted me-time.

What I’m saying is that I’m going to stop the half-ass listening. When I am engaged in a conversation–whether it be with my husband, kids, a client, or myself–then I will impart my undivided attention.

Is listening also an area that you could use some work in? If not, what about speaking up?