If It Ain’t One Thing, It’s Another, but I’m Choosing How I Wanna Feel

All is well and will be. Control what you can and release what you can’t.

I was in the middle of panicking when I heard this—racing downstairs at four in the morning to see what meds we had on hand for my daughter, because we had a flight to catch, while also thumbing through my phone for the airline’s policy on cancellations two hours before the flight. I needed that, right there in that stressful moment and the moments following.

Life ain’t never straight up smooth sailing with absolutely no issues. I don’t even think I’d enjoy that existence. But some seasons tend to be a heavier on the storms than others.

I’ve been feeling it for a while now, but it really revved up during a literal storm around here. Hurricane Helene was more impactful than expected. We were prepared, but it was still…a lot. Frustrating and exhausting. No power for 24 hours and no WiFi for 8 days. Hurricane hit on 9/26 and my daughter’s bday was 9/28. Thank God, she’s very understanding and patient. And THANK GOD it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

Nominated for an invitation-only grant. They had an informational session on October 2nd via Zoom. I had to dial in because no WiFi means no Zoom, and they weren’t recording it. I heard a lot of “next slide, please,” but couldn’t see a damn thing. I couldn’t even stay the whole time to ask questions, because I had to run my daughter to Urgent Care for a two-day headache that had suddenly got worse.

A Facebook post warned that headaches in this region of the map could be due to the 9/29 explosion at the BioLab plant in Conyers, Georgia. The doctor told us that wasn’t it; we’re too far away. The Discovery Channel taught me long ago, though, that sand dust from the Sahara Desert fertilizes the Amazon. So I KNOW chemicals from Atlanta can reach us here in Savannah. But I was still open to what else it could be.

Negative on Covid and the flu and no other symptoms, so the doctor asked what else had changed and I shared my original theory, which was too much screen time. Without school or WiFi (which, for us, means no tv), we were all spending a lot of time on our phones, held inches from our face. Doctor agreed. So we all cut back on screen time and, the next day, she was feeling better. Perfect! Because we had a flight to catch on the 4th.

Woke up the morning of our trip and she had a terribly upset stomach, which she guessed was from the hibachi place the night before. Stuffed her with peppermint tea, Pepto Bismol, and Sprite (all I had on hand). It helped enough for her to fly. Got there and had an AWESOME trip! I wrote about the impact of our trip, what it taught me, and shared pictures. [Click here to read it.]

After partying hard Saturday night of the trip, we had an early flight home Sunday morning. Upgraded our seats and swallowed our complaints because soon as we got home, we were going straight to bed. Our second flight was delayed, leading to a 4-hour layover in Atlanta. Delays are frustrating as is, but, with only two hours of sleep in the tank, it feels like another kinda hell. We made it to Savannah just one hour later than scheduled and our ride was already there waiting.

Chileee, got home and the A/C wasn’t working. Learned that my great-aunt passed and my finances a tad too tight right now for me to make the funeral in Louisiana. Needed to interview someone for a magazine article that’s due today, but he ain’t answer the phone or call me back. Decided to write blog posts for my own websites instead, and realized the Krak Teet site was down. I’m working on that as I type this. And now they talking ’bout another storm heading this way.

If it ain’t one thing, it’s another. One of the realest things ever said. But, most of us, have the blessing of being able to choose how we feel. All is well and will be. Control what you can and release what you can’t.

I needed that, right there in that stressful moment before our flight and the moments following. When our flight was delayed, I dropped my jaw then closed it back, repeated that lil mantra, and made a plan. Looked up airport restaurants, took our time eating, went art-hunting (ATL airport be having some nice exhibits), perused a few stores, people watched, reflected on hilarious moments from our trip, then found a relatively empty gate to nap.

With the A/C blown, I turned on the fans, and reminded everybody to sleep downstairs where it’s cooler, if necessary. Took a cool shower, did some yoga, turned on lofi music, meditated with the intention of falling asleep in the middle of it, and did just that (The A/C tech will be here later today.)

I sent my love to Aunt Sarah’s daughters, found the videos from where I’d interviewed her, and gave her a long round of applause. I got the idea for the clapping in Briefly Perfectly Human. The author, Alua, described her ideal death, including being clapped for after she takes her final breath. As a Louisiana native, where we parade for the dead, I instantly loved that idea…and Aunt Sarah was the first to get my applause.

I’m also aware of atrocities in the world where choosing how you wanna feel ain’t as easily accessible—if it is at all. But I do have that choice. And knowing that our mental, emotional, and physical bodies are all connected, we should all be choosing as often as possible. That ain’t to say rush through grief or ignore pain, but to be as intentional about it as possible. Sometimes self-care is eating cake, drinking too much wine, spending too much money, skipping my workout, etc. Other times, it’s making myself get my workout in, cutting meat and alcohol out for a month or two, choosing fruit over processed sugar, sticking to my budget, etc.

Determining when to do which is self-mothering. Mothering myself in the way that I need in that particular moment. I talk more about self-mothering in Women Who Ain’t Afraid to Curse When Communicating with God. Because it’s always gon’ be something, and some seasons are rougher than others. And our default reactions ain’t always in our best interest, so we gotta choose.