How I’ve Been Slowing Down

A friend got into an accident last week, which was the third one in three months. Usually I ask if he’s okay (he is), if the other people are okay (they are), then I go straight to gratitude for everyone’s safety and leave it at that. This time, though, I had to say more.

Baby, you gotta slow down. Not just in the car, but life in general.

There are seasons of life where if it ain’t one thing, it’s another. I know. Wrote a whole post about it a few months ago. But there’s also a consequence to moving too fast. Not stopping to process anything. No time for wonder or boredom or strategy. I couldn’t just leave my advice at “slow down,” because what does that mean? What does that look like?

Anxiety causes it, for damn sure, and it ain’t new. Our grandmamas called it “bad nerves.” It’s a shame how much anxiety is so much a part of our life. Mine too. It may be a societal norm, but that don’t change the fact that it’s wearing our bodies out. Got us craving and addicted.

Craving crunchy food? You prolly stressed or frustrated. Craving salty? Prolly dehydrated or exhausted. Sweet tooth? Probably just want intimacy and quality connection. Needing to smoke, if you ask me, is really needing a break. When you smoke, you gotta take deep breaths. Those longer inhales and exhales—and stepping outside for a second—relaxes the body. Addictions caused by anxiety vary too, even ones as seemingly harmless as constantly scrolling social media or checking your email every five minutes.

Baby, you gotta slow down.

When you slow down, you realize you ain’t even hungry or ain’t had veggies in awhile. It’s when you hear your spirit tell you that although you ripping and running, you ain’t getting nowhere. That you giving more than you getting. That your job is draining you. That you need to speak up for yourself. That you still grieving. That you tired, afraid, lonely, confused, or disappointed—or all of that at the same time.

But how do you slow down though?

Because just knowing that you need to ain’t enough. And thinking that your life is too busy ain’t accurate. There are ALWAYS ways to slow down. Here are a few of mine:

When you get in the car, don’t just pull off. Be one of them sicknin people who you waiting to back out of a parking space so you can get it and they taking damn forever. When you get in the car, before you pull off—whether at home, work, the grocery story, wherever—wait two minutes. Queue up your playlist, take some deep breaths, or imagine more ways to slow down for that day.

Drive the speed limit. This ain’t about following the rules. I’ma rebel at heart too. It’s about your nervous system, and slowing down on the road does wonders for it.

Arrive earlier. If I’m going to something that start at a specific time, I like to arrive at least 10 minutes early, just to sit in the car before I go in and show face.

Stop rushing ya shower. Lathering twice helps with that. Skincare routines do too. I gotta massage in my exfoliant for 30 seconds and the cleanser has to sit for one minute. I also like to name what’s stressing me out and imagine it going down the drain. Slow down with moisturizing ya body too. Thank each part your hands touch.

Eat without your phone.

Don’t grab ya phone soon as you wake up. Stretch. Brush your teeth and wipe ya face. Make ya bed. Make a lil morning routine, can be 5 minutes or an hour, and do that BEFORE you grab that phone.

Make a lil night routine too.

Go for short walks. The hardest part is getting started, but once you’re out there, it’s literally a breath of fresh air.

Walk together instead of brunching. Or go to a museum. I started this while doing Ramadan because I couldn’t eat so I was avoiding invitations to lunch. Then I realize I could just flip the script and suggest something different. I can’t explain how this slows you down, but it does.

Rest, together. Sunday mornings in bed with my honey are my favorite. Doing puzzles with daughter? Love! Cloud watching on the porch with my son? Nothing like it. And later today, I’m linking with my friend Ericka and 12 other Black women who we personally invited. Ericka leading the slow/easy yoga part and I’m leading the journaling prompts. It’s our second time doing it, and we got the idea while walking instead of brunching together one day.

Read. After my hygiene and making my bed, I read a New York Times article. Under the title, it tells you ’bout how many minutes it’ll take to read it. I just started this in February. I never just read newspaper articles before that. At night, I try to do one chapter of whatever book I’m reading.

Write letters. I have five penpals, two of whom I’m constantly reminding not to apologize for taking a while to write me back. Slowing down is the whole point of writing letters! You ain’t gotta rush. I also write letters to God. And writing newsletters feels like letter-writing to me. Get on the list, if you ain’t already.

Prep. If it ain’t on my calendar, I’ma forget. So I put all my time-scheduled things on my phone’s calendar soon as it’s confirmed. Before bed at night, I time-block my tomorrow. I start with the things from the phone calendar, then add the other stuff like working out (including what kinda workout I’ma do). This way I can see where I’m too jam-packed and I’ll squeeze in moments to slow down. Sometimes all I can afford is those two minutes before driving off or that slow shower before bed. Also, if my tomorrow full, I prepare to eat out. By choosing early, it’s less stressful and better for my budget and my body. If I cook, I’ve learned to prep with that too. Pull out all the ingredients before getting started.

What would you add?