A woman and a man headed down the road, running low on gas.
The man, he gon want to get to the station soon as possible.
The woman, she see some lilies on the side of the road and she wanna stop and pick some.
He know if they run outta gas, he gon’ be the one to have to walk wayyy to the station to get the gas and bring it back.
She ain’t thinking ‘bout that though. She just want them flowers.
Me, BJ, Ayo, and Mr. Fleming sitting on the porch. Mr. Fleming telling stories. That was one of his parables.
If BJ nodded any harder, his head would’ve fell off. Ayo smiled. I squinted. Nina Simone said that she and Lorraine Hansberry “never talked about men or clothes or inconsequential things… It was always Marx, Lenin and revolution—real girls’ talk.” Women couldn’t vote for the longest because it was said that men were serious and rational while women were emotional and superficial. Was this parable that?
“Well, we need lilies,” Ayo said, shrugging one shoulder, still smiling.
My head snapped because excuse me? Like, we just spent 2-3 hours catching up while planting rice and corn. Mr. Fleming said the patch of land we were on was ours, so we decided to come back to plant okra she got from Cameroon, hibiscus I got from Senegal, watermelon BJ got in Charleston. I suggested we name our plot Teranga—a Wolof word meaning “hospitality,” except it’s more a philosophy. Generosity, sharing, and making folk feel welcomed and like they belong….teranga means all that. We’re co-parenting Teranga.
Last year, we both presented at the Zora Neale Hurston Summit in NYC. A few years ago, Ayo taught my summer campers about herbs that grow around us in this area. About five years before that, she sat in my living room teaching me about tinctures to support my health goals. That’s my girl! Ain’t no way she agreeing with that!
But I’m a writer, a storyteller, a griot, a djeli. And we have a responsibility to see both sides. So I thought about that thang, and went from whipping my head in disbelief to cocking it in curiosity. When my husband wanted to pay down a medical debt more quickly, I was on board. I also, however, wanted to make sure that we were still going on our one far-away vacation for the year. He was so confused, and I was so confused as to why he was so confused, because vacations, for me, are fuel.
Vacations are my lilies.
I smiled, like Ayo had done, then nodded like BJ did. My mind had changed.
Parables good for:
Sharing moral lessons:
The story wasn’t about him being right or her being wrong. They just had different priorities in the moment. And don’t get caught up in gender or relationship dynamics, because this could apply in beaucoup contexts (like the time I told my SCAD classmates I was taking 15-minute yoga break and our deadline was like 3 hours away).
Serving as codes and symbols:
What are your lilies? What do you reach for, even when, ESPECIALLY when, it doesn’t seem practical? What feels like fuel to you when others don’t understand?
Challenging assumptions:
I realized this parable was less a stereotype and more a conversation on how expansive survival is. He tryna survive logistically by not running outta gas. She tryna survive spiritually by pausing for beauty and pleasure, to stop and smell and flowers. Survival ain’t just about getting there; it’s living along the way. It ain’t just harvesting and enjoying but planting and sharing too.
Some folk will hear a parable and get a lesson. Some will catch the code. And some will see themselves. Either way, the next time you find yourself judging somebody for reaching for their lilies, pause long enough to ask what they know about fuel that you might not.
P.S.: Mr. Fleming is a helluva storyteller. The man could hold your attention whether you 4, 14, or 44 years old. That’s an art, and one that I pray we never lose as a society.
P.S.S.: I came back from my yoga break refreshed af, thinking more clearly, AND we finished on time.
P.S.S.S.: Heard of Emma Dupree? Herbalist and OG Earth Day champion? Her hometown, Fountain, NC, is celebrating her next weekend, April 4th at 11AM, with a free event. (I bet Ms. Emma was pulling over for flowers too, and was healing folk with ‘em.)