How to tell when you’re on the right path

This AMAZING ass organization called Deep Kids, here in Savannah, invited me to a panel discussion where middle and high school students would ask us whatever they wanted to. I’m an open book and Trelani love the kids, so I was all the way down.

“How do you know you’re on the right path?” a girl asked. She straightened her dress and shifted her weight to one hip. She didn’t need her sticky note to remember her question as most other students did. This was something that was really bothering it; it was all over her face and in the way that she spoke with her hands.

One of the panelists, who was rocking this super duper fly ass pinup, answered, “You’ll know because it feels right. And no one told you that you should be doing this, but you’re doing it because you love it. If you don’t love it, then you’re probably on the wrong path.”

Then I added my two cents. “I agree that you should love what you do, but you won’t love everything about it. And I don’t really think there’s a such thing as the ‘right path.’ I do know that language like that can give us a lot of anxiety because the opposite of right is wrong. Therefore, we’re turning life into some kinda test when it’s not.”

There’s no such thing as the right path. If you get into something and don’t like the way it’s going, you can always change your mind. If you follow the path of what you love to do, then you should also expect not to love everything about it. Your relationship with your work is just like your relationship with everything (and everybody) else; it will have its ups and downs.

You’re probably nodding but wondering where the hell I’m going with this, right? 

I wanted to give you some resources to help you with the tough parts of doing what you do. Hopefully you love it, but maybe you don’t. Do remember you always have a choice though. That’s the first here-you-go. I’m in grad school right now and I just defended my portfolio and passed (woop, woop!). But not without stress and losing sleep.

One of my favorite writers, Tayari Jones, I remember her talking about struggling through grad school and wanting to quit. Then her mentor, another favorite writer of mine, Pearl Cleage, simply told her, “You know you can quit, right?”

In the thick of the anxiety of preparing for the review, I reminded myself that I could quit. But I didn’t want to. That decision was the first pick-me-up. So if you’re hating what you’re doing, give yourself permission to choose between duking it out or throwing the deuces.

The second here-you-go is an EFT Tapping technique that I learned from Abiola Abrams. I was experiencing anxiety so bad that my left eye started twitching (I’m rest’a graduate lol). If those feelings are common for you too, then try EFT. You’ll feel crazy as fuck at first, but IT WORKS!

After the big sigh of relief for passing, I read an email from Akilah about her recent panel discussion on The Steve Harvey Show about new parenting. There were a few moments that made me (and e’erbody else) scrunch up our eyebrows and cock our head to the side, but she handled it like a BOSS–like an assured woman who knew exactly why she was there and wasn’t about to be derailed by other folk’s intentions.

My closing question is transcribed from Akilah’s audio message. I want you to answer it too, in writing: “What can I do to anchor myself, calm myself, in the middle of my personal storm?”