I have this thing that I call “spending Oprah’s money.” It stemmed from a conversation I was having a while back about Oprah clapping back on Twitter one day. Someone asked when she was going to start giving back to America’s ghettos. “When are u?” she asked.
In my playground deep voice, I was like “oooooh!” But I had to catch myself from looking down on the brother for asking because I’ve done the same. I hear about the problems going on the black community and have wondered why our celebrities don’t do more. They have millions, sometimes billions, of dollars that could make a real impact.
I’ve done the same with politicians, school officials, parents, and whoever I’ve felt that if they did this, then this could happen. And to a large extent, it’s true (but you already knew that, so I don’t have to further explain). Even Beyonce, feeling like she stuck her neck out there with “Formation,” but more for her benefit than the movement’s.
But who the fuck am I?
Laughing when I say that, but it’s for real. On the spiritual level, I know exactly who I am and what I mean, but in this here physical realm on the subject of telling someone else what they should be doing and how they should be doing it…who the fuck am I?
That’s not to say that we don’t have a right to hold our celebrities and public officials accountable. I’m just saying that we can’t control what Oprah spends her money on. Only what we do, and there’s so much juice in doing that. When I say juice, I’m talking about biting into a piece of fruit (preferably mango) when it’s at the perfect balance of firmness and softness. You can smell it through the skin. It squirts when you bite into it. Got you licking the knife and your fingers after you finish cutting it. Sucking on the pit. Just juicy.
That’s how I felt when I started volunteering for Deep. It was my first time really giving back. When I was younger, I volunteered in children’s church and shit like that because either the school or the state required me to do so many community service hours. Wasn’t the same though because it wasn’t voluntary.
And when I didn’t have the time to give Deep anymore, I signed up to donate $12 every month. Ain’t much, but it’s what I could afford to give at the time to help an organization that I felt was making a difference in a community that I deeply cared about (underprivileged pre-teens). I got the same spiritually orgasmic feeling when I started donating my time to Savannah Youth City and the many organizations and fundraising campaigns in between that.
We talk about “releasing what no longer serves you” a lot in our conscious tribes. So much so that it might be losing its depth (if that’s the right word).
Instead of focusing on what to get rid of, if we turn our focus over toward what to gravitate towards, then the release will come more naturally. Last night at Savannah Youth City’s annual gala, for instance, one of the chairmen told me that it was his responsibility to not only protect me but to make sure that whatever I needed was placed in my hand because my gift of making the abstract concrete was so fundamental to the organization.
Note: He didn’t say “so fundamental,” but it gotta nice ring to it, huh?
As amazing his compliment was, I was already on cloud 9. Working with SYC ain’t always easy. In fact, most times it’s not. But it pulls at my soul, makes me feel important and involved, and every manifestation–big and small–opens my heart chakra that much more.
So naturally the feeling that I get in those environments migrate to other areas of my life to either question it or affirm it. When I consciously spend my time and money, I feel even more in tune with where I wanna go in life; what I wanna do; what I need to make it happen; and how to clearly embody and express it. I feel beautiful, intelligent, capable, in sync, and on purpose. And the goal is to be in these spaces more often. Note: these magical environments are both internal and external.
Answer this in your journal (and here too, if you want):
- Think back to a moment that made you feel like you right where you were supposed to be (all magical and shit).
- Describe how you felt during and after this experience.
- Go deeper than single words like “joy” and “peace.” Express what those words look/feel like for you.
- Consider what change(s) can be made in your time, money, and energy to feel this more often.