Sometimes I flow on paper, but lately I’ve been writing my chapters in Google Docs. I started this chapter on Wednesday and finished it today. However, there’s still a good bit of work to do on it. I’ll deal with that later–either when I’m stuck on another task or after I’ve finished all the essays for the book.
I wrote two essays this week, but I’m only sharing one and I chose this one so you can see that I’m not always satisfied with what I produce either. But to also show you that it ain’t worth tripping over, because you can fix it later. The photo above shows you where I made myself some notes in it before I actually finished it.
I call the part in red “scrap metal,” meaning I wrote that part a while ago, before I even thought of this essay, but couldn’t do nothing with it back then, so I held it down. It so happened to fit perfectly in this essay. Do that. Instead of killing your darlings, just store ’em somewhere else ’til you’re ready to use ’em.
Dear Oprah,
There’s so many things to thank you for, but this letter is written specifically to appreciate your 21-day meditation challenges. I first learned about them in 2012 and my life hasn’t been the same since. To be honest, I didn’t even complete the whole challenge, but I got what I needed from it still.
I remember waking up at 3:46 every morning for about two weeks. Every single time. I’d gently wake from my sleep, roll over to check the time, and sure enough, it’d be 3:46. Sometimes I’d lie there a moment before checking the time, just to see if I could mix it up a little. It didn’t matter; it still fell on that exact minute.
I’d be up and not able to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t a new phenomenon for me. It used to happen occasionally in high school; I’d write a poem then I’d be freed to climb back in my dream. It happened again during undergrad while penning my first novel back. I’d get up, scribble a scene that was playing out in my mind, then go back to bed. Whatever the case, I could never just roll back over upon waking; I had to get up and do the work first.
When your challenge came around, I was feeling neither creative nor inspired. In fact, I was feeling trapped. I’d not long ago had my daughter and needed a bigger house and more coming in it, so I picked up extra hours on the job. The job was spiritually draining enough with the usual 40 hours per week, so the added 16 hours on the clock, plus the full-time college load and two children, had me feeling like a body with no soul. I was moving around on cruise-control, the quintessential chicken with no head. I went to work, then to school, picked up the kids, put them to bed, showered, slept, woke up, and did it all over again.
Though aware that I was running the hamster wheel, I didn’t see a way out. I only looked forward to more raises, perhaps a better job one day, and hopefully my first book taking off. To be honest, I hoped that it’d land in your hands, be blessed with your golden touch, and set me straight for life. I knew that I had a greater chance of being struck by lightning, though.
I’m not usually so down in the dumps. I’m used to being the one applauded for being so optimistic in my circles. So when a friend forwarded me your email about the challenge with Deepak Chopra, I signed up. I didn’t get started right away though (and that was back before you only gave us five days to access a meditation).
The third night of my eyes flicking open at 3:46 a.m. and me not having anything to say on paper on in prayer, I decided to give your pitch for manifesting more peace and abundance in exchange for 20 minutes sitting criss-cross applesauce a try. I’d go in the closet, light a candle, and insert my earbuds to get started. Hearing your voice in the infant hours of the morning when the world seemed to be standing still for a second was heaven. Then Deepak would begin speaking and although it was my first time trying meditation, as corny as it might sound, I’d instantly feel like I was one with God.
Fast forward to today, four years later, and I’m still meditating and have begun calling those moments my “silent sessions with Spirit.” And while I completely understand the importance of transcendental meditation, which is sitting with legs crossed and eyes closed, I’ve also discovered active meditations, which serve me very well.
I run two miles (almost) everyday, for example, and nearing the end of that run, my chest starts burning and I want to stop. Some thoughts tell me that I’m not competing and it’s okay to quit, that I’ve done more than some people have done all week, and that my body won’t miss a beat by walking the last half mile. Then my higher self kicks in, the part of me that is adamant in my commitment to myself and my goals, and dismisses those thoughts. My higher self, by the way, is a reflection of Spirit.
That’s essentially what meditating is, I’ve realized. It’s positioning yourself to be fully aware of what’s going on inside of you, especially in your head. The noise, the fears, the distracting thoughts, ego, doubts, and worries can be pretty loud. And I can distinguish between what’s noise and what’s Spirit during my 6 a.m. dog walks, while showering, stretching, making love, freewriting, doing laundry, and even working. All support me in my need for calm and space to manifest.
Along with mantra, chakra, universal laws, and intentions, manifesting is one of the words that stuck with me after my 21-day experience with you and Deepak. Having set intentions under the guidance of you two power figures, I’ve been trying my damndest to birth these big ole visions of mine. Something I’ve realized about the magic of manifesting, though, is that you don’t have to obsess over it. You either identify what you want (or how you want to feel), see it for yourself, know it’s yours, and keep obeying Spirit.
Spirit (or the Universe, God, Life, the law of attraction, or whatever you want to call it) will start making room and shifts for that to happen for you. Spirit, I believe, speaks to us through curiosity; intuition; your higher self; serendipity; and confirmation from books, films, street signs, and people you encounter.
I’ve manifested plenty of things, but the ones that stand out most are: the time I was low on cash and needed to pay my car note. I prayed for $400 within the next two days then “let go and let God,” as the old folks would say. I came home to an email, requesting to be invoiced for $325 and later (the same day) got a phone call from a friend saying they’d be over in the next hour to drop off the $75 they owed me. It blew my mind.
There was the time I wanted to learn how to give reiki, which is a healing method through touch. I stayed up late one night, researching various teachers throughout the area, but couldn’t find one that I connected with. Two mornings later, my friend in Cambodia texted me to say she’d be in town the following month and would love to train me. So I got what I was looking for from someone I love and admire, and for free!
I can’t forget about the time a friend of mine was giving a TedX Talk, but by the time I went to buy my ticket, they were already sold out. I’ve always wanted to sit in during one of those talks, so with my friend giving one, I had to be there. I didn’t know how I’d make it happen, but I assured her that even if I had to show a titty I’d be in the audience. By the time I worked up the nerve to go for it, I was running a little late. Good thing though because when I got to the door, they rushed me in to avoid any unnecessary noise or light.
And most recently, I’ve been researching alternative schools and their history as freedom schools. Since facilitating writing workshops this summer with kids, I’ve realized the need for a major reform in formal education for black kids. I walked in a coffee shop for a meeting one day and saw a gentleman that I knew. I walked up to speak and he introduced me to the woman he was meeting with. They were discussing plans for the charter school they are co-creating, and after I shared my experience and research findings, they asked if I’d be interested in being on the board. Then the woman I was meeting with, who I didn’t know prior to, is now helping me get my paperwork in order so that next time I facilitate those workshops, I’ll be directly contracted instead of being subcontracted.
On the other side of the coin, though, I remember finally getting the house that I envisioned and worked so hard for. I finally got off the job and started working for myself. I was in love and overall in a really good space. Nearing 30 years old probably had something to do with my wanting another baby too. CJ and Kobe are my greatest creations and I don’t regret them, but they came as unpleasant surprises. I wanted the experience of celebrating a positive pregnancy test. Then I got pregnant. And we really weren’t ready. So we got an abortion. From that I learned that you also gotta be careful what you ask for.
When you set the manifestation in motion, get ready for life to prepare you for it. Sometimes you get what you want instantly, but not always. And you’d better be careful what you ask for. It’s best to decide what you want and need when calm and centered, and meditation has a magical way of taking and keeping you there. Whenever someone asks how I started, I never hesitate to say “Oprah” and that its greatest benefit is learning to recognize and make space to hear the voice of Spirit, which guides us off the hamster wheel and into a life of peace and abundance–the very things you promised me when I started.
P.S.: The writing process consists of drafting and revising. This is the drafting phase, so it ain’t expected to be completely perfect. I’ll worry about that in the revising stage, which is when I’ll ask a friend to read it and give feedback too.
P.S.S.: Next week, I’ll show you a different way of recording your book’s content. I’ll record what I want to write, then transcribe it. I’ll share both the recording and my process of transcribing it so you can see all of ‘dat. If you have any questions in the meantime, feel free to ask. If you’re digging what I wrote or can relate to it, comment below.