I don’t think I want to use that term anymore. And I used to love it. Used it in books, blog posts, conversations, and everything. Today I got to thinking…
The concept of the higher self is like this better version of myself. It’s the me without the influences of the world. It’s the wise one sitting on a throne watching all the bullshit the lower me is doing. The one who I’ll be one day if I work hard enough.
I don’t dig that though. It reminds me of the God I was taught to revere growing up.
At the beginning of the summer, I had little to no energy for anything. The kids had gone with their dad for the summer, and my ego kept trying to push me out of bed to be productive. “Your to-do list is too long to lay around all day watching Netflix with a joint. Blah blah blah.”
I didn’t listen though. I knew better just from paying attention my cycles. Whenever I have periods of wanting to sleep and lounge all day, I had better honor that because Lord knows the script will soon flip. (Those years of having no supervisor or school to answer to gave me the space to learn myself like that.)
My higher self didn’t tell me to honor my body’s call for rest. It was the me right now. It was the cussing, complaining Trelani who didn’t feel like doing shit else (and my horoscopes too). It was just as much my flesh as my spirit. Mind body and spirit.
I could argue that it was my higher self. Cussing and complaining don’t obstruct that. But a higher self is something to tap into, meaning I don’t have immediate access to it. Yet again, that’s the God I was taught growing up. Pray and wait for an answer.
But the answer is never not there.
The answer is usually my first instinct. My immediate response before my ego/fear kicked in with all the chatter that led me to believe I was confused about the situation. It’s the answer that will get me closer to feeling how I want to feel.
I don’t need to meditate to tap into that. I meditate so I can know the difference between intuition and ego, spirit and fear.
And maybe you’re thinking it’s one in the same. Intuition, spirit, higher self. It’s all the same. Not to me though.
What say you?