Love and Hip Hop: New York is one of my non-guilty pleasures. I love following that foolishness. While watching today’s episode, I almost spit my Coke out when Amina cried for what she called a “normal marriage.” Been there, done that.
Lesson learned: Ain’t no such thing as a normal marriage.
Whenever someone mentions that they want something of the sort, then it means that they’re either comparing themselves to someone else or trying to live up to someone else’s definition. Either way, it’s a fatal move.
You want what someone else has when in actuality you don’t really know what they have. Though I’ve only been married for a year, I can tell you that if you go into that shit in hopes of mimicking “them” and having what they have, then you’re already destined to fail.
Once again, been there, done that. I thought that normal husbands (or should I say good husbands) paid all of the bills. They worked more than one job. They cleaned the cars and took care of the oil changes. They busted their ass Monday through Friday, and still woke up early on Saturday mornings. They were romantic, but harmoniously so.
I attributed everything to a good man, but his personality. I failed to factor in who he was as an individual. Though I (thought I) knew exactly what a good man was, I dared him to try to box me into a category. My nerve.
Poor little Amina wasn’t even asking for that much. She was merely asking for the man to come home at night. Sleep in the bed with her. Wear his wedding ring. Claim their marriage. She wanted him to be a “normal husband.” I so badly want to tell her,
Don’t aim for “normal.” Aim for a good fit.
You don’t go to a shoe store and ask for normal shoes. You know your size, your taste, and what you want. If you’re looking for heels, then you’re not even looking at sneakers. If you’re looking for a good fit, then you’re bypassing the bullshit. If you mistakenly take home a size 9 when you’re a size 7.5, then you’ll take it back to the store.
Why? Because you can’t do nothing with it. It doesn’t fit. Consequently, you’re unsatisfied. You’re not happy. And happy is a relative term. What makes you happy might not make me happy. Similarly, what you envision as normal may not fit your personality. It might not make you happy.
As the saying goes, “Be careful what you ask for.”
When Amina said this, I wanted to roll a caption across the bottom of everyone’s screens: What homegirl meant to say was that she wanted to be treated as she deserved to be. Mentioning the word “normal” was another way of beating around the bush. She was trying to protect his feelings when he didn’t give a damn about hers.
I could go on, but you get the point. When it comes to you, what you want, and what you deserve, leave the word “normal” out of your requests. Otherwise, you might mess around and miss out on awesome in the name of normal.
What did you think of Amina’s situation in tonight’s episode of Love & Hip Hop?