Not necessarily as an artist or a woman or a mother or whatever title the issue comes down to, but someone who can relate to that specific thing.
I recently decided to do something pretty nerve-wracking in my artistry and wanted comfort in it. I needed to hear from folk who’ve been there and done that and can attest to/from the other side. Not to say that I’ll have the same results, but you know what I mean.
I remember moving to the DMV, for instance. For the first three months of my being here, my children weren’t with me. Lotta joy and needed space in but also worrisome at times—especially before actually leaving. What kinda mama leaves her children behind, I’d ask myself.
I comforted myself with the likes of other mothers who’ve had to leave their children for some time to set up shop in a new world. Fortunately, one of them was a friend who was also right in the midst of it. Others were favorite artists and writers like Alice Walker.
There was also the instance of leaving my marriage. Talking to women who, like me, didn’t leave because of abuse or mistreatment or another partner, helped a lot. We understood that we’d married a good person, just not a good match. One of my elders, who just celebrated her 90th birthday, and had been through the same thing before, poured so much gospel and gravy over my heart during that transition.
It’s like intersectionality but for relation instead of oppression.
Like yeah, I’m an artist. A writer. A woman writer. A black woman writer. A black woman writer who’s never not self-published. And who’s turned down three major book publishers.
The closer I can find to someone who can relate on that level, the more grease I have for the braiding. (Was that corny?) (I’m actually braiding Kobe’s hair in between editing this.)
In Louisiana we call risk-taking “jumping off the porch.”
I’m jumping off the porch yet again and finding that same gospel and gravy everywhere. Sometimes, I’m looking for it. Most times it finds me. When the student is ready, the teacher appears, right?
To be clear, I ain’t looking for confirmation that I’m making the right move. I’m past that. I just want some mmhmm and some yessss as to what I’m feeling as I’m swimming through this thang. YouTube interviews from some of my favorite artists and the freaking People’s Party Podcast? Yes!
Her response gave me wings. Hence, I printed and pasted it in my journal.
Hearing and especially sharing the experiences of those who’ve already done it or are doing it gives you comfort AND tools to better handle it. In another 2012 journal entry, I wrote that my goal was relationship building. In retrospect, I did more rolodex building than relationship building. Seven years later, I’m back at it with the goal of building and nourishing new and old relationships. Actually reaching out (and engaging).
P.S.: Can anyone else relate to there ALWAYS being another jump to make? Like, damn I just XYZ, now I gotta ABC?
P.S.S.: This specific relating is why I tell writers to stop tryna write for everybody. Write your book about that specific thing and you’ll touch the right people the right way.
7 ways I’ve been self-caring these days:
- keeping the heater on my feet
- Raising Dion series + snacks with my babies
- living room yoga before everybody wakes up
- ending my days early as shit
- reading old journal entries
- getting rid of stuff I might love but never use
- calling an elder everyday