I reserve the right to change my mind

About what I believe

How I earn my money

Spend my money

Raise my children

Share my time

Express my love

Amen?

Even if I promised, vowed and signed on the dotted line, I can (and will) still change my mind. I hesitated writing this because I wondered what readers would think of my integrity. Because “integrity” came to mind firs, I defined it. And it means to be honest and trustworthy, as well as whole and undivided. 

I didn’t find any conflict in the definition, not really. Because at the moment that the word was given, or the promise made, I was being honest. That was my truth. Was I whole and undivided? I assume that I was sure. Was I? Were you?

Are we ever completely sure?

I guess sometimes so, yes. But occasionally we act against it anyway. And need I also reserve the right to be human? Probably goes without saying. I like to throw as many scenarios as I can think of at what I believe before I open my mouth, especially around a topic like breaking your word. 

The first to come was marriage. You signed the certificate, maybe changed your name, and stood in front of whomever and vowed that for richer or poor, sickness and health, and so on that you’d be there. Can you change your mind? If you’re being abused or otherwise mistreated, of course (please, go!). But what if you aren’t? What if that just isn’t what you want anymore? Wouldn’t integrity call for you to be honest about that?

Then I thought of professional contracts with partners, clients, and service providers. Going into it, I was down. I surveyed the landscape and all seemed well. Not so much anymore, however. I want out. There may be financial consequences on the line with this one, but if you ask me, I’d rather my peace of mind. I’ll figure all the other shit out later. 

Then I thought of something that wasn’t necessarily on paper, but definitely on your heart. For example, you agree to link up with a friend to be the shoulder for them to lean on. As time gets closer, you change your mind. Maybe you decided it in your best interest to protect your own energy right now. You’re highly sensitive and you’re just not in the emotional space to open yourself to those conversations. Can you still change your mind? I vote yes. Does that make you a bad friend? No.

The ultimate factor in changing your mind is how you’ll feel if you do or don’t. You want a divorce, but don’t want to hurt them. You want to break ties with this client, but don’t want to taint your reputation. You don’t wanna go out tonight, but don’t wanna let your friend down. Well, will it bother you more to stay or go? 

Acknowledging the fact that choosing not to change your mind will most negatively affect you does not, in many cases, make the decision any easier. It’s still hard to do. There are still some moves that I need to make, and I’m forever conscious of them. I ain’t trying to ignore them or wish them away; I’m working on it.

As explained in my new book, some situations call for fire. You can’t afford to wait to bust a move, and you’ll know when you’re in that lane because it’ll feel like your soul is at stake. Like a huge piece of you is dying more and more the longer it takes for you to act. I know that feeling all too well. 

Whether you’re in that imminent space or not, simply giving yourself the permission to have a change of heart is sometimes all you need. Say it in the mirror. Write it down. Don’t just believe it, but know it. I reserve the right to change my mind because I continuously evolve and because my first responsibility is my own happiness.