As mothers, it is our nature to nurture. From birth and beyond, we make it our duty to ensure that our children’s needs are met. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s a beautiful thing. It’s a divine privilege.
(Even though it can be stressful at times)
What is a problem is the false truth that we must put our children before ourselves. I’m not talking about those freak what-if situations, where you and your child(ren) are hanging from a cliff and must decide who will be saved and who won’t. Nor, am I referencing being piss poor and having to choose who will eat the last of the food supply. I’m talking about the commonalities that most of us experience as mothers, regardless of our demographics, such as:
• Going shopping for you, but coming home with stuff for the kids and nothing for yourself.
• Being desperately in need of me-time, but feeling guilty for telling the kids no.
• Wanting to put on some heels and go dancing, but feeling that doing so is a no-no for mamas.
• Having dreams, but deferring them until the kids are grown and gone.
• Knowing that you should say no, but continuously fixing your children’s mistakes anyhow.
• Choosing not to have a life outside of home and work, because doing so makes you feel guilty.
• Doing most (if not all) of the chores around the house, but knowing that your kids should help.
• Holding onto a bad romance for the kids’ sake, but knowing damn well that you should leave.
The list could go on and on and on, but I’m going to assume that you get where I’m coming from. Before the day that you were born, you were already a female. Prior to being a mother and/or wife, you are a woman!
As women, we have a shitload of emotional needs. Continuously putting your children (we’ll discuss the hubby later) is a form of self-neglect. You will begin to rot from the inside out and stink!
You will stink as a wife, mother, friend, sister, professional, etc. Even the airlines advise you to put your own mask on first! Unless you effectively take care of you, then you cannot effectively take care of anyone else.
Your emotional wellness is critical to every dimension of your existence.
It’s easy logic. By continue adhering to the bulleted points above, then you are choosing to be the driver that refuses to stop at the gas station, and run on its fumes instead. Eventually you’ll run out of gas and be stuck on the side of the road with people wanting to help, but not knowing how to. You won’t know your up from down or your left from right.
It’s called a breakdown or a burnout!
By telling the kids “no” every now and then, taking some time for yourself, treating yourself, fulfilling your personal dreams and goals, and prioritizing your happiness, then you are channeling your Highest Self. This woman is perfectly imperfect, but emotionally/physically/financially healthy. She has enough energy, creativity, ambition, passion, and faith to love and support both herself and her loved ones.